Last night as I sat around my in-laws beautifully decorated Thanksgiving table I had an overwhelming sense of gratitude rush through me.  It wasn’t the food (although it was delicious), or the laughter coming from my husband and family sitting around me… it was something much bigger.  A sense of thankfullness for everything I have, and even those things in which I don’t have.  Chris and I started the IVF process to get pregnant a few weeks ago, and I have made myself into a human pin-cushion, or so it feels most days.  Last night the hormones were making me sick beyond belief, but I was unwilling to let it get the best of me.  I can’t remember a time that I was more in love with my husband then I was last night, resting on the couch with him after dinner.  He has been such an amazing man throughout this whole process, the man I knew I married long ago, when I said “I do” to my best friend, on a little bridge, over a koy filled pond.  2 years since that day, and I am blissfully happy.  Love is simple, all the other things can be hard.  Chris proves to me each day, how simple that love is.  It doesn’t take fancy presents, flowers on Friday, or gigantic gestures of love.  It is as simple as an early morning text message telling me he already misses me, a kiss each day he gets home from work, getting up to get me a glass of water, or how he grabs my hand to hold it no matter where we go.  That is love, and I am grateful for that love, but most of all for him.

As I looked around the room last night also felt a wave of gratitude for my family.  It is small, and sometimes crazy, but it is mine and I cherish it daily.  My mother-in-law who worked so hard to make things delicious and beautiful,  my father-in-law with his funny jokes that make me giggle.  My mother who is always funny and the life of the party on one margarita, and my dad who loves me and see’s his little girl still running around the room.  As Chris and I have been going through this process to have a baby our families and friends have been so supportive and caring, and it has really made it so easy to do this.  All the pains, and things that I have to go through during this time can become overwhelming.  When you open a HUGE box of medication to find bags and boxes of scary looking needles, it can bring you to tears, and anger.  Anger for why some people receive things to easily who do not cherish it, and while others have to struggle to accomplish it.  That is when your friends and family are there with supporting phone calls, and stories to make you laugh.  They ease all those nasty-scary feelings away.  It makes me thankful beyond words for each of them.

My brother was missing from our Thanksgiving table last night, and it felt like a huge part was missing.  He chose to stay up in Berkeley to finish some work before moving home next week.  It made my heart hurt to think about how many other brothers, sons, fathers, daughters, mothers, wives, husbands were missing from their families tables.  Those individuals are brave and selfless enough to fight for our most valued commodity, freedom.  To not only protect our basic right, but to try to provide the right to others worldwide.  No matter what your political ideology or faith, you have to be grateful for such a sacrifice they make for their country year after year.  And also for the sacrifice their families make not having them home during the holidays, to enjoy in those simple moments of love .

Over the next two weeks I am sure my resolve will be tested.  The process of IVF is emotionally, physically, and spiritually draining.  You feel in a way broken, because you can not do a simple task that your body was made to do.  I am thankful for science in that it has given us a way for Chris and I to still create our own family.  It is amazing the wonderful things man can accomplish in this world, that it almost overshadows the bad things we have created.  I am thankful for a husband who always has a childlike optimism, especially when I don’t.  I love how cute it is that he is already planning on the “good news” on Christmas, when I see a big black 40% chance.  I prepare for disapointment (just in case), and he runs it down and laughs in its face.  I married the perfect man.  I am excited to see Chris as a father, it is in everything he does, and if I wasn’t watching, he would try to buy baseball gloves for the dogs!  On the days that my spirits are low, he knows exactly how to make me warm and fuzzy again, and I am thankful, beyond words, for that strength.

I never get that excited about Thanksgiving, because I TRY to treat each day like thanksgiving, minus the overindulgence of caloric intake.  But I count my blessings one, by one, and I try to acknowledge the things and people in my life for which my heart overflows with love and gratitude for.  I am a very lucky woman, and I am thankful for all those things I don’t have, because what I do have is perfect and it is more then enough.  No matter how you celebrate the holidays, I hope this season fills you with love and laughter, and you spend it with the people and things that fill your heart.